I Do Need You
by agentcarter12
Summary: They say the worst wars fought are in the name of peace. The worst wars fought are the ones with vulnerable hearts against strangers. 12/clara [Lots of angst, at first.]


She doesn't know how she's been stopping tears till now, but she has been. Golden rays explode around the room, and she can't manage to say anything. A stranger stands in front of her, not even giving her a smile. Her doctor's gone, and she can't manage words, but she manages to stop her tears from escaping.

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She picks up the bowtie that he's thrown on the floor, and tries to stop the turmoil of feelings killing her inside from coming on to her face. God knows what she'll do if the stranger thinks she's weak. She runs her fingers over it, the sudden memory hits her. It's the same one her doctor had worn when they'd gone to trenzalore, and she wants to sit down and cry. She puts the bowtie into her pocket, the one thing she has left of _his._

.

When she confronts him about his change in attitude, he tells her he doesn't need her. The tears threaten to stream down her cheeks, but somehow, she holds on to something she didn't know she had. Something that enables her to steel herself and tell him he does need her. He scoffs, but doesn't press it.

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After saving another universe, she sits at the table of one Kayla black. In her hands she holds a cup of tea, which is now getting cold. The stranger walks in, and sits down in the chair beside her. They sit like that for the longest time, until he turns to her. "You were right. I do need you." he tells her, before he walks away. The temperature of the tea is the same as her hands. She stuffs her hand into the pocket of her skirt, and gets out the bowtie. The tears come again, but she's used to stuffing them down, and that's what she does. She shoves the painful reminder back in, and walks away. The cold tea sits on the table, innocently.

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One night, as she sleeps in her bedroom at the Maitland's, she dreams of her doctor. He tells her he hopes she knows that he loved her, and that the stranger will come to love her too. She bolts upright from the dream that won't let her have peace, but can't help as she takes the bowtie from her pocket, and rubs her finger on the oh-so-familiar cloth again. She leaves it on her bed, and throws on some clothes. She rushes out the house, slamming the door on her way out. She doesn't stop running until she reaches the park, which is deserted, since it's nearly midnight. She looks up at the sky, which resembles a shining tapestry of stars, accompanied by the silver globe of a moon, and she remembers how her doctor had told her that he's take her there for a dinner, in the future when they had restaurants there.

The heartbreak is eminent on her face, and the recognizable tears gather in her eyes, making everything blurry.

This time though, away from prying eyes, the haunting memory of the doctor she's loved over and over, the bowtie made of the oh-so-familiar cloth, away from the stranger who her heart wants to know, Clara falls apart. She shrieks and screeches until her throat is raw, and cries until there aren't any tears left. She can't help but face the fact that _he's _gone now, and _he's_ never coming back. At about four o clock in the morning, she stands up from the bench, and starts to walk back the way she came.

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The next Wednesday, she doesn't take the bowtie with her. Instead, she leaves it on her dressing table. She listens to her heart, and she accompanies the stranger to a new and different land. It's vast, and unpredictable and she feels like she's never seen it before in her life, until he tells her that he's brought her here a long time ago. It isn't until then that she starts to see the few, tiny similarities. She feels as if that's the thing with the doctor. Maybe he is different now, but she can see the few, tiny similarities of the her doctor. She feels strangely empty without the bowtie, but also strangely satisfied. She smiles at the new doctor, for the first time, and looks up at the clusters of stars in the sky, which is a deep maroon-ish red.

The doctor smiles at her, as she stares up in awe.

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After a few more adventures, he surprises her. She walks out of the TARDIS, eyes closed, as he leads her. He tells her to open her eyes, and when she does, she looks at the sight she'd been promised by her previous doctor. They're on the moon, where all kinds of alien civilizations are walking.

They drink a special shake they serve, and she laughs at the tales he's telling her.

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After a few more adventures, they're more comfortable with each other. She walks over and sits by his side, on the light blue-ish grass, where he's sitting, wearing a white dress shirt whose sleeves have been pushed up to his forearms. He hands her a glass of wine, and she slowly sips it savoring the taste, looking onto the sky as it changes hues. She smiles at him, and he at her.

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She never throws the bowtie away, though. It sits on her dressing table for a long time.

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One day, however, she takes it with herself while she goes off with her doctor. He tells her that he's going off to investigate something, but she says she wants to move around the town square. She wanders off to a temple, where she learns that things of great sentiments are traded. She shoves the bowtie deeper in her bag.

At night, she and the doctor attend a ball. As he sits inside, she sneaks out. She sees a small boy wearing a bowtie being bullied. The other older boys take the bowtie away from him, and he sits there as they walk away, jeering. She walks over and gives him something as close as her mother's leaf. She gives him the bowtie, and tells him that the person who wore it was a wonderful man who saved universes, ad sulked on a cloud sometimes. He smiles at her, and she forgets the strings in her heart that are pulled when she hands over the last thing she has of _his._

She walks back in after a while. He's waiting for her though; someone she'd thought was a stranger, but someone her heart already knew. She smiles at him, and takes his hand when he offers to dance. It's slow, and her new doctor is as graceful as a silver fox, and he twirls her around and catches her, and she her heart tells her to give the man in front of her another chance. The thoughts gone when he twirls her again.

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The next time they go on an adventure, it's in the Victorian era, and Vastra, Jenny and Strax welcome them in. She goes out and talks to children, and climbs to the top of the roof as a dare from Strax. She hears yelling when she slips and falls down.

He's beside her when she wakes up, and she expects him to give her a lecture. But he surprises her, again. Before she can see why her head hurts so much, he hugs her, hard and she's shocked. Though after a few moments, she hugs him back. He pulls back, and asks her to promise that she'll never ever get him so worried ever again. She promises.

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They're both fighting a great battle against each other. She wants him for who he is, not who he was, anymore. Her heart tells her that she's in love, and her trick is rendered useless. She hopes, rather futilely that he won't know.

He wants her to let go of who he was and embrace who he is now, surrender and give in to him completely. He hopes that she already knows and that he doesn't need to tell her that he's in love with her.

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In the end, he wins, but loses too.

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In the end, she wins, but loses too.

**review?**


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